I'm the worst

I really am the worst at keep up to date with these posts.

I've read online that writing in a diary or taking 10-15 minutes a day to compose your thoughts helps to clear your mind and deal with stress.  Well let me tell you that's what i really need right now ahaha.

In the past few months i think i've had the most boring/uneventful moments of my life.  I've pretty much taken up locking myself in my room whenever i have free time.  It's a sad thing but it's my reality.  The past 6 months i haven't traveled anywhere or gone out with people really.  I mean it's my fault but i'm not really sure if i want to change it or not.  People don't give me nearly enough credit.

It feels like i'm pretty much the only mormon my age on this island who actually follows the word of wisdom.  Take 4,000 americans on a base and make 20 of them mormon and then make everyone else persecute you and that's how i feel.  This is the first place i've ever been where people are inherently mean, as in, people are just rude for no reason.

It's crazy.. i was definitely depressed the first 6 months i was here and i'm still dealing with anxiety.  It's like i got off on the wrong foot with everyone here.  I didn't mean for it to end up like this.  I gave everyone the wrong impression.  I'm only using like 30% of my potential every day here and yet when i try to tell my superiors that i'm willing to do more they just look at me like i'm a dirt bag who is incapable.  I could have been a nuke if i wanted and i'm treated like a little kid.

About two days ago i had a dream i was back in high school, and that's the worst nightmare i've had in a long time.  I felt like such a helpless kid in that dream. Just utter despair.

Well i've been typing for about 5 minutes so far.. didn't realize that 10 minutes would take so long.

My next thoughts were to the future instead of the current.

I had thoughts of things such as "where do you see yourself in 5 years..? 10..?"

To be honest i can't answer those questions and i doubt many people can.

It's like a guideline but it's so far away it's kind of just goals you want to keep in the back of your head.

I'll attempt to put them on paper though.

In 5 years i see myself:

Out of the military

In 10 years i see myself:

Finishing my masters degree
Buying my first home

Well that's been 10 minutes now so i guess i'll end it here.

Here's to hoping for more often posts.


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